It's How You Said It

Don't lie. Someone has said that to you at some point in your life. Maybe you don't really remember it - who said it to you, when it was, or what you said - but it has happened to you. It's happened to all of us. I think I heard it most from my mom. (I was a sassy child. I still am, but now I'm just a sassy adult.)

The fact of the matter is that your tone and your delivery of truth or opinion is really important. Calmly stating "I disagree" in a civil discussion is different from shouting "I disagree" accompanied by slamming doors or hurled insults. The statement is the same, but the way it is was said is clearly different.

Asking why is the same. It can be an honest question with a sincere desire for knowledge, or it could be a defiant challenge. Not only do we have to be careful which way we say it, but we also have to be discerning to be able to tell what the real motive behind the question is.

For as long as I can remember, people have said less and less about what they were thinking or feeling - or even about what the facts and truth were - for fear of hurting someone else's feelings. They didn't want to end up offending this group or that race or whoever. They wanted to be seen as inclusive and kind.

However, this "political correctness" has landed us in a world of trouble. Now, you can't even say "Black Friday" without being considered a racist. (Although the day literally has nothing to do with race or skin color and everything to do with business and financial terms.) You can't say that any of our problems are related to any kind of person or group without encountering a fire storm of hatred from almost everyone. You can lose friends based on phrases; you can be kicked out of public places for telling the truth.

Look, I'm not trying to stir things up. I don't like or dislike people based on their gender or skin color or economic standing. I don't make friends or enemies based on anything other than on united or divided opinions. And, even if I disagree with you on something, I can still respect you as a person because you are a human being with thoughts and feelings.

In this presidential race, a frontrunner has become clear. One of the biggest reasons he has so many followers and supporters is universal: he tells it like he sees it. He seems to be most respected for his political incorrectness. People want to hear someone tell them the truth, someone to be honest with them, someone who won't let fear of certain groups or of losing funding keep him from speaking his mind. And, in a sense, so do I.

Now, I am one of the most politically incorrect human beings on the planet. I have my opinions, I have done my research, and I am generally informed on a wide range of subjects. I'm not shy about sharing the information that I have and discussing multiple sides of an issue; in fact, I thrive on it. However, I believe that I have a certain skill that the current Republican frontrunner has never learned: tact.

Since when is calling people names and bullying religious or political groups considered something that is praiseworthy? How is cursing and inciting violence something to follow? Whatever happened to being kind to other humans even when we disagree?

Political incorrectness does not mean that you can be rude and/or crude, and the freedom of speech does not give you license to be stupid. Yelling, cursing, and calling names is childish behavior. Why is it being glorified in a grown man when it would be condemned on the playground? How does that make sense?

I like to think that I'm pretty forgiving, that I give a lot of chances, that I can get along with someone even if we don't agree on a lot of things. One of my good friends has identified as a Democrat (I'm a registered Republican and proud conservative), however she and I can have civil and informed discussions on a wide variety of topics. We learn things from each other, and, even when we don't end in agreement, we at least have seen how the other side thinks and feels. We have a wider world view and an altered perspective. And maybe we won't be so quick to have such a black-or-white opinion.

But, when someone is militant and angry, shouting at me and calling me names, I will refuse to budge. I will believe what I believe, and I won't hear anything that person says. I will be less inclined to trust or believe their information or opinion. Why? Because of how they said it.

Political incorrectness is not rude. It is not crass or mean or petty. It is not shouting or calling names. It is not forcing your opinion on anyone else.

Political incorrectness is simply not adhering to a typically progressive orthodoxy on issues involving especially ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or ecology. It mean that you have an opinion or the facts and that you are unafraid to tell the truth.

Essentially, political incorrectness is not what you said. It's how you said it.



Quick acknowledgements: a special thanks to my friend Tricia Losey for being a great person to talk through issues with. We may not always agree, but I always appreciate your kindness and support.