Where Is the Love?

DISCLAIMER: before you read any farther, I want to warn you that this post may get a little boring at times. There will be definitions and extensive explanations of said definitions. While I believe that this is an issue that needs to be seriously addressed, you may not want to sift through all of it. You have been warned.

I can easily say that I love my family. I know that I accept my family. I certainly tolerate my family. But, I have used three separate words because all three mean something different - as verbs and as nouns. And, this is where society has gotten cloudy.

Think about love for a moment. We have a lot of different phrases that we use with the word love in them. "All you need is love"; "tough love"; "I love you"; etc. The possibilities are ridiculously endless. You may know some that I've never even heard. Regardless, people talk about love. A LOT.

Even in politics and religion.

You know, I have heard more and more that the Republican Party does not love people - that they are racist, sexist, and homophobic. The GOP hates everyone that isn't a rich white man. They don't want people to be happy. Blah, blah, blah. But, is it true?

The other group that gets shredded on the issue of love is Evangelicals. People are angry that a group of people that claim to follow a loving and caring God are hateful. And, rightfully so. People that worship a God of love should also be people of love. But, Christians are called out for their discrimination, their bigotry, their exclusion, and on and on. So, naturally, Christians don't love people, right?

But, what even is the definition of love? Everyone is so focused on this abstract concept that means so many different things to as many different people. You could literally ask ten people what the definition of love is, and you would have ten different answers. The world is incredibly confused on this idea of love.

So, let me help you. The definition of love - from a dictionary - is "an intense feeling of deep affection; a great interest or pleasure in something."

With this in mind, I want you to think about the people that pushed you to be a better version of you. The people that kept you safe from something that could hurt you. The people that gave of their time and money to make you happy. The people that held you or spent time with you. Think about the people that make you feel loved.

Often, the most overriding principle in feeling loved is that someone gave or sacrificed or thought of you first. They may not have always made you happy or comfortable. Sometimes, the people who made you feel loved hurt you. You have disagreed and argued and gotten over it. And then done it all over again. But, you stick it out. Because you love each other. It doesn't matter if these people are your parents or siblings or friends or significant others. The relationship has not been perfect, but the relationship stands because of love.

So, why have people accused Republicans and Evangelicals of being hateful - or not loving? Very simply, it is because they have forgotten what the definition of love is and have replaced it with the definitions of acceptance or tolerance.

Acceptance is "being received as adequate or suitable; agreement with or belief of an idea, opinion, or explanation." Tolerance is "the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behaviors that one does not necessarily agree with."

There are many ways to love someone, but there is only one way to accept someone. You either accept them, or you don't. There is a choice to love someone, but there is no choice to tolerate someone. You either allow them to exist, or you don't.

So, yes, I can easily say that I love my family. I can always do more to show my love or to love them better, but I absolutely, without a doubt, unconditionally love every single member of my family. Yes, I can say that I accept my family. They have their flaws (we all do), but they will always be adequate to me. Yes, I tolerate my family. We don't agree, but - even though sometimes I wish I could - I can't make them stop existing.

These three things are so different that they must be looked at separately. They are not the same; they are not interchangeable; they are not equal.

Republicans and Evangelicals have been labeled as having no love for people because they stand up for their beliefs. They don't - at least, they shouldn't - compromise what they hold dear. They have been labeled as xenophobes, homophobes, bigots, chauvinists, hatemongers, and a wild amount of other unflattering names. And, in all fairness, some genuinely are.

But, people who do not identify as republican or evangelical can be all of those things and more. Hate is not limited to one specific group of people; hate lives inside every single person.

As honestly as I can say that I love my family, I can say that I love people of all races, people from all religions, people in every life choice. But, my love for you does not require that I accept your choices. However, because I love you, I will not seek to destroy you as a person or your way of life; I will tolerate you.

Maybe I don't know what it's like to be looked at and judged based on my skin color. I have never been discriminated against because of my sexual preference. There are a lot of unpleasant experiences that I am happy to say that I have not gone through.

But, I do know what it mean to be judged because I have been judged all my life based on my religion. I have been judged based on my political beliefs. I have been judged based on my personality and my gender. I know what it's like to be placed into generalizations. "All women love chocolate"; "all Christians are homophobic"; "all Republicans hate the poor." And, at least of the previous list, none of those things are true about me.

I can have a different opinion from you and never for a second take away the legitimacy of your opinion. I can have different experiences and never for a second diminish your experiences. I can love you and never for a second agree with what you believe.

I am an individual. I make mistakes, I have flaws, and I am imperfect. I try to love everyone and to judge no one. I try to be kind and generous. I want to grow and learn. I have hopes, dreams, and ambitions.

And I know that you do, too.

I tolerate you because to do any differently would mean that I have somehow made you stop existing. I accept only certain things about you because I have the right not to accept some things. I love you because God wants me to.

To answer the question of the title, love is wherever it is shown. I have decided to show my love to everyone. Where is your love?