Beyonce has claimed that girls run the world. In fact, she says it many, many times - in a highly repetitive yet wildly catchy song. With all due respect to "Queen Bey," I have to disagree. Women are underrepresented in government, politics, business, science, and a wide variety of areas that have been typically referred to as "a man's world."
I was raised in a home with two older sisters. No, no brothers. Just girls. You can imagine that we were a very feminine household. Barbies, dollhouse, pink bikes, sidewalk chalk, etc., ad infinitum. However, the best part was the female empowerment that I was raised with.
My mother was a Marine - a respected and successful Marine - before she decided that she wanted to stay home to raise and school her three daughters. From the age of two, my mom was home with us everyday. She cleaned house, she made meals, she taught us school, she played with us. And she never one time told us that we could not do something because "you're a girl."
My mom let us explore who we wanted to be. She encouraged us to be kind, strong, gracious, patient - even when she wasn't. She let us be funny and silly and serious and sometimes sad. She taught us what it means to be a lady and that being a lady doesn't make you any less strong or smart. It just makes you easier to love.
I don't know if it was a thought out decision that my parents came to or if it was something that they both genuinely believed. But, I honestly don't remember ever being discouraged from following my passions - even if they weren't stereotypically feminine. If I wanted to play sports, I could. If I wanted to be a lawyer, I could. If I wanted to stay home with a family one day, I could.
I was raised to believe that women can do anything that men can do.
And then I hit the real world.
Where subtle sexism and even blatant chauvinism told me differently. Needless to say, I was shocked.
I started to meet people - especially women - who would judge you for wanting a career or judge you for wanting a family over a career. They would judge you for how short or long your hair was, what subjects you liked in school, if you smiled enough, or how much you liked chocolate. I began to see people assume that a woman was menstruating if she was angry or crying, and commenting on how "emotional" women are was just an everyday topic of conversation.
I will admit that I call myself a feminist, but my definition is different from almost everyone else's. And it's certainly different from what most people think of when they hear the word. My feminism is "leave women alone and just let them do their thing."
In fact, that's pretty much the mantra of my life. Leave people alone. No one wants your opinion or your case study or your thoughts or your feelings. If you don't like what someone is doing, don't be around it.
One of my sisters recently was talking about how everyone seems upset about everything. She said, "Stop complaining and be the change you want to see in the world." She was sick of people being mad about politicians; run for office instead. She was tired of hearing about how everyone is on their phones; put yours down and start a conversation. Be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
And that's where I fall on feminism. No, I don't like it when people assume that I'm looking for - or even want - a boyfriend because I'm single. No, I don't like it when people tell me to smile. No, I don't like it when people tell me I'd look pretty if I did [insert something that I'm not currently doing]. I think it's rude. And, coming from men, sometimes it feels a little sexist.
But, I have decided that, if I think a woman is smart, I'm going to tell her. If I think she is beautiful, I'm going to tell her. If I think she is strong or patient or funny or whatever, I'm going to tell her. Because lifting each other up, standing behind each other, supporting other women, is the best way to be the change that we want to see.
Why would anyone take us seriously if we don't take ourselves seriously?
If you want people to stop making emotional jokes, stop apologizing for or making jokes about being emotional. If you want people to stop judging you by how you look, stop judging yourself and others based on looks. If you want people to believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to, believe in yourself.
Men are not easy on themselves. At least, not all the time. They aren't easy on each other. If you don't believe that, just sit with one while his favorite sports team loses a game; he won't be so easy on other men (the players, the coaches, the owners, etc.).
But, women are harder on ourselves and each other than men. We are mean, petty, judgmental, and hateful.
Beauty is everywhere. There is no shame in choosing a career over a family, there is no shame in choosing family over a career, and there is no shame in choosing to balance both. Don't be ashamed of your body type or you skin color or the texture of your hair.
Women, you are beautiful.
Look for beauty in each other. Look for strength and grace and patience and intelligence and love and kindness in each other. You'll find it. And, when you do, celebrate it.
The more we support and celebrate each other as women, the more the rest of the world will, too.
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